


Livewire

by Bounteous



Series: Oh, How Often I Wonder [1]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Okumura Eiji Loves Ash Lynx, title is an Oh Wonder song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29835240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bounteous/pseuds/Bounteous
Summary: Ash spirals and Eiji is the only thing he can see clearly.
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Series: Oh, How Often I Wonder [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193408
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	Livewire

**Author's Note:**

> Each story of this series will be inspired/influenced by songs of Oh Wonder's self-titled album. Enjoy!

He feels it when he wakes up; bone-weary and limbs like tree stumps. Afternoon sunlight burning behind his eyelids. Cold sweat like a tongue curving down his spine. His body tells him today is not a good day to be alive. His mind blanks, tv static in an empty room. It’s hard to remember now is the future he’d never considered. 

Their bedroom is inconspicuous; a bed made on one side, a dresser inside a closet, two nightstands of varying organization, an enlarged picture of the Manhattan skyline taken by one Eiji Okumura. Ash doesn’t hate the city. The people...well, the people deserving are all dead. Even poor Yut-Lung, assassinated the minute Blanca packed his suitcase back to the Caribbean and left his service. 

He couldn’t even pretend to hold sympathy over Sing’s distress. 

Those ghosts still haunt his dreams at night. Keep him tormented and restless, crying out choked names and reaching toward wisps of nothing. It’s easy because now they’ve formed a routine. Eiji comforts, fetches him water, possibly some melatonin, and holds him tighter in his arms. It’s easy because, rather than paralyzing fear, sometimes it’s simply mild annoyance. Aggravation released into his pillow, frustration through hot tears. 

This, however, is much, much harder. Minutes turn to hours; time passes agonizingly slowly and Ash never holds much desire to do anything but sit and stare. Searing holes into the bedsheets, the beige walls, his hands oscillating between pale pink crevices and deep red lacerations. They vary in depth—the creases that can speak one’s whole story from birth to death and the milestones within. 

How many of those did Ash miss? Pass far too soon? He likens himself to a damn child, Eiji holding his timid fingers through normalcy and repetition. He doesn’t know how to act his age. Somewhere along the line, danger subsided, he’d regressed to a budding adult, learning things he should’ve been learning all along. Not how to tell the difference in wine by mere sips or the conjugation of languages he’ll never need to speak or the safest way to prepare himself for customers who despise using anything but their own spit. 

No, now he’s learning that 8 a.m. classes only sound good in theory and that some customers are rude for absolutely no reason and, chances are, nobody he doesn’t make friends with is going to remember his face years from now, so he should stop worrying. It makes him sad, sometimes, the shit he doesn’t know. The shit that’s obvious, that makes perfect fucking sense. 

Ash becomes a mossy statue, but his mind is ever-present. The gears turn and blow scalding steam, turning and turning and turning. He mulls over every change in Eiji’s behavior, every eye in his direction, every stump in his recovery. A torso without a heart and a brain without a head. Archeologists would have been fascinated by the discovery. Pondering the remains of a table and thousands of books and one disintegrated letter. Piecing together a story without the other half of it. 

There are days he tries to fight it. Days he wakes up wearily and showers with a freezing spray, hoping to shock himself into awareness. He’ll make it to the kitchen where Eiji heats up lunch and he’ll be half-way through eating it when he decides he’s actually not hungry. He eats it anyway because disappointing Eiji would be worse. Swallows cinderblocks and sand, scraping his teeth with metal that pulls at his chapped lips. 

He rarely gets away with it. Eiji will frown the way he does when his intuition is faster than his mind. Take away the meal with the swiftness of a waiter and press a loving, lingering kiss to Ash’s temple. They feel like stamps, imprinted onto his skin, but liable to wash away if he isn’t careful. He’s always careful. It’s important because they aren’t brands.

Eiji leads him to sit outside, basking in the spring weather and swinging lazily in their hammock. Ash watches the silhouettes of leaves rustling in the wind, raptly and attentively. Gazes up into the willow tree and catches sunlight filtering through the gaps, desperately trying to find him. Reaches up and enjoys thinking he’s caught the star in the palm of his hand. Gifts it to Eiji, who cherishes it proudly.

Eiji, who nuzzles into Ash’s shoulder peeking out from the stretched collar of his cotton shirt. Eiji, who tickles his skin by blinking his eyelashes. Eiji, who intertwines their hands and tells him they need to let the star go back home. 

“He must be lonely, don’t you think?” Eiji will mutter, lips mere centimeters from Ash’s ear. “He should be with his family. I’m sure they miss him very much.”

Ash will mumble agreement, and together they spread their fingers like a flower, palms upward and away, and let the star drift back up where he belongs. Ash always feels better. He doesn’t know how Eiji does it. Air can circulate through his lungs again and the oppression feels thoroughly stomped on for today. Home feels close and family closer.

Ash remembers the assignments he has due and the hours he was supposed to work. Replies to the texts and voicemails and emails. Reads another chapter. Asks for seconds at dinner. Clings to Eiji when they spread themselves on the couch with their tv show playing in the back. Understands that the only way is up from here with Eiji by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Support my ko-fi if you enjoyed my writing! https://ko-fi.com/bounteous


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